piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
