You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
