Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Is Oprah even human
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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