areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
