If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
