so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
