My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
