If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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