OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Can Purell be used as lube?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize