Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
