NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
