Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
