I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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