Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
