Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize