it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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