I must be too annoying 4 u.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize