which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
