Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
