I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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