guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize