My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
