It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
