Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
