im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
