Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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