Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize