It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
