I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
