Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
