I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
