Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just high enough for therapy.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
