That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
