So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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