I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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