At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
