"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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