I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I want a musical about memes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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