so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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