No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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