So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
