I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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