I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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