so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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