a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize