i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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