I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
