was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
