You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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