I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nutella sex= disaster
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
