Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
