I hope mine doesn't look like that
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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