Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize