my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
