Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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