I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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