Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize