You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
