Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
