Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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