Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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