mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
