also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
