I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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