Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
