WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
