I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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