grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
