I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
