I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
