when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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