so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
