A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
