forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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