There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the condom got lost in my hair
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
