she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
