he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
