Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize