I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
