but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
