I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
