what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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