I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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