just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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