i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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