Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize