It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
