Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
