dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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