Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
