I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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