I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
