Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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