Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
