If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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