it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
