Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
