Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
