vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize