And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
