My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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