Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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