spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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