I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
that's an acceptable place to lick
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize