I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
