everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
