I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Damn victory sex feels great
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